A strange thing happened today. I realized I missed my dad.
Now my father passed away 14 years ago. We had a strained relationship that was greatly improved by the approximately 870 km that separated us. We could survive a long-weekend together, maybe. Christmas holidays were brutal. Summers - excruciating.
Daddy was an alcoholic. Clinically depressed. Legally blind. Had angina and related blood/heart stuff. Fibromyalgia. He ruined *every* Christmas except his last.
He was a grumpy old bastard but he had his moments. He was really smart. Taught geology at McGill. His job resulted in my being born in Rouyn-Noranda in Abitibi in Northern Quebec and spending the first ten years of my life summering up there.
He wasn't so good at turning off the professorial tap. He could sit at the table, drinking warm beer and chain smoking, and lecture you on whatever until the cows came home. He held grudges. Forever. He blamed everything bad on someone - we all learned to try to ensure nothing would stick to us. I'm a bit of a flincher as a result - I hate to be seen as "responsible" for something negative and can be overly defensive as a result.
So why did I miss him?
Because he was wise and gave good guidance most of the time. Because he was my daddy and my son will never know him.
Because a wonderful elderly man came in for some advice today and I was sorry that my dad will never have the opportunity to sit across a table from me while I explain what it is I do.
Hi Daddy - I felt your presence today & I wanted to acknowledge it.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
That was so touching. Thanks for sharing. Dena's been 'touching' me a lot lately.
I miss Dena so much too. Every now & then I come across an old email or a bit of American politics crosses my awareness and I think of her and miss her delightful insights.
So many beloved friends to meet at the Rainbox bridge.
Post a Comment